Joy is the ultimate weapon in the battle for recovery – and relationships are the primary delivery system.
For years, those of us in recovery have known that “white knuckle” sobriety is not really sobriety at all.There is nothing particularly attractive about a recovery that is characterized by impatience, resentment, and self-pity.In our addictions, we tended to isolate – and white knuckle sobriety doesn’t really expand our circle of friends.There is, however, something very inviting about recovery when it’s marked by joy, peace and a quality of life that is far more than just abstinence.
What we’ve discovered in recovery through our own experience is now being confirmed by recent discoveries in neuroscience.Specifically, we are learning that joy is essential for effective dopamine and emotional regulation – and that joy is primarily communicated in relationships with others who are glad to be with us!Joyful relationships and joyful recovery community, it seems, are non-negotiable elements of lasting recovery.
Joy Connections
What is joy – and why is it so essential for recovery?To the brain, joy means that someone I’m with is genuinely glad to be with me.Sound too simple?The work of Dr. Allan Schore reveals that the brain largely learns to regulate dopamine through direct interactions with others, when others are glad to be with us. According to Dr. Schore, joy is primarily communicated non-verbally through face-to-face interactions, and in infancy, the human brain learns to regulate dopamine through repeated eye-to-eye contact between infants and primary caregivers.When these interactions are joyful, the brain develops a high capacity for joy, regulates dopamine effectively, and is able to feel ever increasing levels of joy in life-giving relationships. The joy center of the human brain retains fetal biochemistry for life, and this means that it can learn to regulate dopamine through joyful interactions with others – no matter how old we are.
What does this have to do with recovery?
Everything! Dopamine is a pleasure producing neurotransmitter that stimulates the pleasure/reward center of the brain.When addictions to a variety of substances or behaviors develop, they hijack the brain’s reward/pleasure pathway, and tend to disrupt dopamine regulation so completely, that the brain can only feel pleasure when we are using.The lack of ability to feel significant pleasure – and the subsequent cravings due to disruptions in the pleasure/reward center pathways – are one of the hallmarks of addiction.
Sustained recovery means that the brain must learn to effectively regulate dopamine apart from our addiction.This helps the brain feel “normal” levels of pleasure, regulate mood, and tends to reduce the intensity of cravings.Since addictions hijack the reward/pleasure pathway in the brain, effective dopamine regulation is a lot like learning to fly again – once the hijackers have been thrown off the plane.It is a huge part of getting our lives and brains back after the ravages of addiction.
Recovery Relationships and Joy
Joyful community is simply not optional if our recovery is to thrive.And, since the brain retains the ability to grow joy throughout life, we are never too old to start.There is nothing like walking into a support or recovery group and discovering a group of people who are all glad to be with you – no matter how bad your week has been!To your brain, this is like a cool drink of water after an extended desert trek.
As soon as someone is glad to see us, the joy center in our brain activates and lights up like a Christmas tree.Before we even have time to think about it, within about 40 milliseconds, our brain responds and releases dopamine – simply in response to the face of the person who is glad to be with us. The dopamine makes us smile, triggering the same release of dopamine in the brain of the person who greeted us.Before long, we are sharing fellowship – and having our own private dopamine party all at the same time! In the context of ongoing experiences and recovery relationships like this, our brain literally is being reprogrammed to better regulate dopamine.These types of “glad to be with you” interactions are the joyful delivery system that our brain needs to heal – and train for recovery.
Intentional Joy
If repeated interactions with others “who are glad to be with us” are this helpful to our brain in recovery settings, what would happen if joy-building and the development of joyful relationships became an intentional part of our recovery programs?Building intentional, joyful recovery is currently the focus of “Restarting,” which is part of the new “Thriving: Recover Your Life Program (www.thrivingrecovery.org).
We can get our lives and brains back!Joy is the tool – and relationships are the foundation we need for successful, long term recovery.Recovery can be joyfully contagious!
